The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
