I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
