last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
