Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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