So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
