mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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