I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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