today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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