my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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