Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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