She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
