So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
