I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
