those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
