It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
smell my finger.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
