You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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