Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
