My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
