Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
