Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize