just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
