You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
