Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
