Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
