masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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