She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
