When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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