there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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