i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
