it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
