? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
