Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
