I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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