i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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