Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
