the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
