ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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