those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
