Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
