you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
