I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
