i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
