Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
