I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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