Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
