You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
