Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
