I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
