I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
