Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
