We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
