I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
