If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
