he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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