recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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