If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
