watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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