guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
