Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
