where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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