1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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