I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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