Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
