So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
