I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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