I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
