Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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