Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's never too late to be topless.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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