he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
