Plan B is the new Plan A
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
