Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize