When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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