he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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