I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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