Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
