Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
