he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
