Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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